How People Change
In August and September, a group of ladies met weekly to read and discuss the book “How People Change” by Paul David Tripp. Sachie Hori was a part of this group, and she shares what the ladies did, what she learnt, what she found useful for her own growth and in relating to others.
We gathered to read How People Change by Paul David Tripp, a book about how we can change to be more like Christ as God created us to be. Often, we wonder why we fail and respond to situations in life in an ungodly way. Why are we not changing as God called us to live? We want to glorify God through our Christlike behaviour and produce the good fruit, however, we react to situations in a worldly manner and display bad fruit in our relationships. So how can we change ourselves to be more like Christ and produce good fruit?
This book helps us to dive into the root cause of our heart issue and gives us practical advice to practise it in our daily lives so that we will be sanctified and also edify one another in Christ.
Understanding Our Hearts
What stood out to me was that our responses to various situations is caused by where our heart is rooted in. When our heart is rooted in something else other than God, sinful response would develop. The consequences of an angry or hurtful response creates a strained relationship, creates bitterness and sense of hopelessness.
The reason why it caught my eyes was that we tend to address the issue of our external behaviour rather than checking inwardly and evaluating our hearts. What is my heart going after? What do I love? If I don’t genuinely take a look within myself and reflect, I will continue to live a “me-centred” life. My heart will be rooted in wrong thinking, wrong desire and bring bad consequence and keep producing bad fruit and ultimately not glorify God.
Instead, to respond in godly way, we need to invite Christ into our lives and rely on His power to change our hearts. When I face the daily struggles in life with my sin, changing to be more like Christ seems impossible. However, because Jesus died on the cross for our sins, our sins are forgiven. Through Christ, we became righteous and have new life and power. God has given us the Holy Spirit, who is living in us. The impossible became possible through Christ.
As Galatians 2:20 states, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me.” We are not the same as we are used to be, we are new in Christ. God has given us the Holy Spirit, who is a perfect helper and lives in us. We must believe that we will be changed and become better tomorrow than today. Through reading this book, I was so encouraged by this truth and hope.
Living and Growing in Christ
After reading the book and after several discussions and sharing with the ladies, I am more aware of what my heart is idolising. I realised that for me, my trigger point of responding to situations in an ungodly way usually happens at meal time. I often feel upset when my children tell me that they don’t like what I cook. I usually react with my self-righteous defence mode. I want to fight back and say to them “Then I don’t cook anymore! Go and find your own meals.”
However, when I evaluate my heart, it reveals that I am idolising “self-righteousness” and putting “appreciation” above everything else. I feel unappreciated and desire to be recognised for my actions. I still think my children should not have said that. Instead of complaining, they should be thankful that God provided the meals to eat each day. They should have said “thank you for cooking” and appreciate my serving.
On the other hand, I know my sins. Instead of loving God and obeying His commands, I have replaced it with my own desire to be appreciated. I am supposed to serve my children as the way I serve God. We do everything for Christ, through Christ and in Christ. It is not about me. God gave me my children because He has a plan for me; everything that God brought into my life, God has a plan to use it for my sanctification.
Though this instance, I realised my wrong desire, it is so hard to admit my sins, especially how I reacted in a thorny, defensive way and felt bitter towards my children. My brain understands that I am wrong to response sarcastically but my heart cannot accept it because of my self-righteousness. I continue to be tempted to fight for my justice and right.
But God knows everything and how I feel and He is sovereign, He keeps telling me to humble myself and repent. After the long battle, I finally confessed to God and repented. I received that blessing of forgiveness and I felt much better. Our God knows me when I fail and sin against Him—He is there to forgive as long as I confess. He desires for me to humbly turn to Him. Sanctification is a long journey and I know that I have to respond in a godly way. I often fail and react in a defensive and angry manner, but when I turn to Jesus and confess, He is faithful to forgive and I no longer need to feel guilty that I failed.
Each time that I fail and turn to Jesus by faith, I am experiencing the Cross and receiving His mercy and grace. One day I will be made perfect and live with God forever. All of us are work-in-progress to reach the destination, so while we fix our eyes on Christ and be mindful of our hearts, we have to remember to pray continuously and point each other to Christ as a community. When we cry out, God give us wisdom, His grace is sufficient.
I have also learnt to apply the lessons from this book study in my conversations with my children. Whenever I encounter my children’s sinful behaviour and responses, I will ask them what is the root cause of their complaints. My goal is to hold out God’s goodness and provide an opportunity for us to talk about Christ and I pray that they will experience the Cross, God’s mercy and grace daily.